Many people with BPD struggle to manage their emotions, known as emotional dysregulation. Here are five potential problems with a BPD favorite person relationship: 1. Or, even if you know your needs are unrealistic, it can feel incredibly painful to worry about abandonment or unlovability. For instance, you may have intense desires for the relationship, but it can seem like your favorite person always lets you down. Having a favorite person can undoubtedly take a toll on your emotional well-being. This often happens because the person feels jeopardized about how your change may impact your relationship.įor Those With BPD: Risks of a Favorite Person Relationship For example, if you two have had an argument recently, they may feel more vulnerable, which can trigger clingy behavior.įurthermore, symptoms may worsen if you experience a significant life change (a new relationship, job, or relocation). These symptoms often become more amplified when the individual with BPD feels stressed or insecure. Exhibiting jealousy at your other relationships or activities.Appearing to be in crisis often and depending on you for advice or guidance.Fear that you will leave them or no longer love them.Reaching out more frequently when you don’t respond.Intense declarations of their love or appreciation for you.If you suspect you’re someone with BPD’s favorite person, they may exhibit the following signs toward you: That said, this role can be challenging and confusing, particularly if you feel like it was sprung on you. It’s crucial to remember that personality disorders lie on a spectrum, and it’s dangerous (and unfair) to pigeonhole people into specific behaviors. What to Expect If You’re a Favorite Person 3 That said, they still long for the approval (and attention) that their behavior may solicit. They may react with rage, threats, or complete withdrawal. If their favorite person disappoints them, it can feel devastating. Unfortunately, because people with BPD have an insecure sense of self, fragments in the relationship feel extremely threatening. This excitement encapsulates the idealization phase. The person with BPD feels excited and energetic-they may think they have found the person who can seemingly fix their pain and loneliness. Like in any romantic relationship, many BPD relationships have a cycle, first moving through a honeymoon period. They might also start pushing away or testing their favorite person to prove the person’s loyalty and love. They might become jealous or controlling of other relationships. Therefore, they may “read into” certain behaviors. They often struggle with being alone, but even appropriate love and connection may not feel like enough. Because relationships generally feel unstable (and untrustworthy) for people with BPD, they may have a hard time when faced with healthy relationship limits. The individual with BPD can become quickly dependent on their favorite person for reassurance, approval, and guidance. The relationship often appears to be very close and intense. What Does a Favorite Person Relationship Typically Look Like? Because the individual with BPD relies so heavily on their favorite person for love and attention, any slight transgression can result in anger, fear, or a sense of instability. However, the relationship may also become tumultuous. As a result, they may feel euphoric when spending time together and often miss them deeply when they are apart.
They often believe this person is perfect, and they will inherently idolize them. Unfortunately the risk is they can become clingy and feel more easily feel betrayed.” – Dr Tanveer Ahmed, psychiatrist and author of Fragile Nation How Does a Favorite Person Influence Someone Living With BPD?Īt first, a favorite person may seem like a “savior” for the individual with BPD. For this reason they are more likely to have a favorite person who they idealize. They are also more prone to idealizing relationships but can quickly change to devaluing them. “People with BPD are characterized by being extra sensitive to criticism, rejection or abandonment. The individual with BPD wants their favorite person’s attention as much as possible, and the quality of the relationship can undoubtedly shape their mood, confidence, and sense of security. This person may become the source of all happiness and validation. This person can be anyone, but it’s often a romantic partner, family member, good friend, or another supportive person (like a coach, therapist, or teacher). For someone with BPD, the favorite person is deemed the most important person in their life.